Connecting
The Thanksgiving holiday and my upcoming move got me thinking about how I connect with people in my life.
I hosted my children and two of my siblings and their families for Thanksgiving lunch, a total of 15 people. There is the opposite of drama at our family gatherings. We love each other, of that there is no question. We just are not terribly demonstrative about it.
My siblings and I were raised to stomp down our feelings. Extreme displays of emotion were frowned upon. The statement of, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” was often heard. My father did not adhere to this same principle of not showing emotion, especially anger or frustration, but that may be the fodder for a different blog. My children have even accused me more than once of not having emotions. I can sometimes read what my sister is thinking by the set of her lips, or what my brother is thinking by the mischievous twinkle in his eye, but not always. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a harsh word at a family gathering, and voices are never raised unless it’s to call people to the table.
My siblings and I are not all geographically close, but I cherish our emotional bonds. I know many families where siblings are estranged, and I can’t even imagine how that would feel. Sure, growing up there may have been battles, tears, and occasional bruising. As adults, though, we mostly get along well. Our Thanksgiving was filled with laughter, good food, and watching the Packers/Lions game together. My daughter introduced her boyfriend to the family, and I don’t think we did or said anything to frighten him off. We’re simply too polite.
Relationships take care and feeding, and I’m not always good at staying connected with my family, but I’m working on it. Although technology sometimes gets a bad rap, I think the ease of calling or texting has helped bring me closer with my extended family. I know it helps keep me in touch with my children. I text, Snap, or talk to both of my children almost daily, even if it’s just sending a picture of food.
The way I stay connected with friends is more sporadic, but once again, technology helps us stay in touch. My circle of friends is fairly small, but every friend is important to me. Even if I don’t reach out often, or get together regularly, I value the friends I have. I’m someone who gets overwhelmed if my calendar is too full, so I tend to go silent for long stretches. I’m working on that too. When I do get together with friends, it’s like we were never apart. Heck, I vacation with several of my friends, either in groups or singly. I treasure that we can do that.
I’m less connected with my neighbors. I’m moving in a couple weeks to a new town. I currently live in a subdivision in a small town (population just over 6,000). My subdivision has over 100 homes and an apartment complex. I know nine people in my town. Nine. I’ve lived here for 25 years. I should have done better. I vow to do better in my new home. To that end, I joined the neighborhood Facebook group on Sunday. On Monday, I joined the brand-new book club in my new neighborhood. There are 11 members and we are now planning our first meeting. The introvert in me is hyperventilating a tiny bit, but connecting is a good thing.